Penis size - does it matter?

What do women think about penis size? And does it really make any difference to sex?
(Go here to find out if penis size matters to men!)

Penis size. Does it really make any difference to sex? Sue, sitting on my sofa, was clear: "Sure it matters! I've had some massive ones in my time, and I really enjoyed them!" My flatmates and I looked at each other, subdued. "It's true," said Helen, looking at the floor, "the bigger the penis, the better the feeling." The look on Sophie's face suggested she was dreaming of a time when she, too, had been impaled on the end of a massive penis. And it wasn't a look that suggested she was regretting the experience.

Hearing these sexually experienced women say that sex felt better with a bigger penis was a shock to me. Surely penis size doesn't matter? Don't women love the man, not the penis? After all, that's the message we hear from our early teens: it's not what you've got, it's what you do with it that counts. But is this just small-dicked men telling women what to think about penis size? Or is it women being kind and reassuring to men with small and average sized penises? Suppose it isn't what women really think about penis size at all?

(All pictures taken from Images of Size - a photographic guide to penis size. Click here for more information.)

I was once in bed with a girlfriend when for some reason we started talking about penis size. Now, she knows a thing or two about penis size, having had more sexual adventures than most women (about twenty male partners in long or short relationships). Her first boyfriend, when she was a teenager, was quite well endowed, and she just assumed that all penises were about the same size as his. She went on to marry her second boyfriend, who turned out (on the wedding night) to have a four-inch long erect penis, a fact that she discovered when she reached down in the dark to play with his cock only to discover she couldn't find it! Naturally I wanted to know whether sex with him was good. And she was a bit evasive - she said his penis was thick, so the width made up for the shortness. That seemed a bit like asking a woman if size counts and getting a weak smile and a kind of mumbled "mmm, well..." followed by a swift change of subject.

The next interesting part of her story was about the time she had sex with a man whose penis was nine inches long. The problem, she said, was that the condom only went halfway down his penis. In my naivety, I said, "Wasn't it a bit big for you?"' She hesitated for a moment. Then, a bit self-consciously, she said: "No, I rather enjoyed it."

So, if the evidence is to be believed, listening to what heterosexual women are saying means we have to acknowledge penis size does actually matter - to some of them at least. When I asked lots more women about penis size, I found a huge variety of answers to my questions: some women didn't like big dicks at all, some thought average size ones were fine, some liked huge ones, and some didn't care at all about penis size. But whatever the women said about penis size, they all spoke in terms of pleasure. And if you think about it, this is very different to the way men talk about penis size: men talk about penis size as though it represents status and power.

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So where does this take us? The question is, what do women want, sexually? And the answer, of course, is that it depends on the woman. Some prefer men who are tall and have dark hair, while some women like blondes. Some women prefer men with a great physique. Some like dominant men. Some want a passive partner. The whole range of male physical and emotional features appeal in different ways to different women - and penis size is just one of those features. Therefore some women like long cocks, some like small cocks, some like thick cocks, and some like small cocks. It is all a question of what each individual woman finds pleasurable and exciting. And above all else, this is probably more about the man than his penis. But to make the point: when women say that penis size is important, they are not condemning men with small cocks to a life of wanking alone. What they are saying is that their partner's penis size - large or small - is one of a number of factors that influence how much sexual pleasure they enjoy in that relationship. And it is true that to some women penis size is totally unimportant.

But most men do not see penis size in terms of the pleasure it will give a woman. In fact it seems to me that men's obsession with penis size is all about male vanity: firstly in the belief that if one has a big penis one will be a better lover, or somehow attract more women, or be more confident as a man. And secondly a man might desire a huge penis because he believes his lover will have a great time, say what a wonderful lover he is, and thereby make him feel more masculine. And thirdly so that women just take one look and say, "Fuck me, look at the cock on him!"

I think for men a big size penis is a bit like a sports car - something you own that makes you feel more of a man. There is no doubt that the majority of men think "bigger equals better." No wonder then that so many men whose prized possession resembles a bean or an acorn rather than a marrow or a cucumber want to convince themselves that size doesn't matter, and hate hearing women saying that, well, actually, in some ways it does matter! But the reason it matters to men is because they think women are saying real men have big cocks. And this is not what women are saying at all. I doubt you would find many women who are measuring a man's masculinity by his penis size. When a woman says "a big penis feels nicer", the man hears her say "a big penis means you're more of a man or a better lover." In fact she's saying that a big penis feels nicer!

A man's biggest fear is not that a woman won't enjoy sex because his penis is too small - it's that she will take one look, laugh her head off and humiliate him. It's the fear of being exposed as a small dicked-man that terrifies men. (Remember the false assumption "a small penis equals an unmasculine man"). And the problem is that while men think like this, whether they are swinging it around like a baseball bat, or complaining about how small it is, they are not focusing on giving their partner what she wants.

When men accept that penis size can influence a woman's pleasure and enjoyment of sex, things will be much better for everyone. Men can see the situation honestly and know that deficiencies in the size department can be compensated for in other ways - new techniques, being a better lover, learning more about what turns their partner on. And this all means they will come to understand more clearly what their woman actually wants. Remember the joke: a bastard is a man who fucks you with a three inch cocks and then kisses you goodbye with a six inch tongue. It may be a woman's joke, but what it says is clear: men, stop being so penis-obsessed and realize you can do other things that send women into raptures.

Email from a reader:

It is certainly odd that even now, in the days when there is so much information about sex, sexuality, and hundreds of websites detailing penis size in images and huge amounts of text that men should be insecure about the size of their organ -- especially when they are actually normal! The only reason why men are so insecure about penis size is that they have a belief that "the bigger the penis, the better the lover" ... I think we're all subject to this false belief, that at some level we all believe that a woman wants to be "filled" completely. As you rightly observe on your website this is more about a man's desire to possess a woman's vagina (and perhaps the woman herself), than it is about a woman's desire to be filled by an enormous penis.

So exactly how do you deal with a man who believes that his penis is too small -- whatever that means to him -- even in the face of all the evidence to the contrary? We all know that there is very little that can actually be done to increase the size of the penis, so why can't we just devote our efforts to accepting the size of our organs rather than trying to think of ways we might improve them?

I don't have any answers to this question but I spent years thinking that my penis was too small and worrying about its effect on my relationship -- and the ironic thing was that it was only the anxiety I felt about this issue that caused my relationship to suffer! If I had actually bothered to ask my partner what she felt about it, and take the trouble to believe what she was telling me, I'd soon have realized that actually the size of my cock didn't matter to her one jot.

Penis Size Matters

So yes, we know that the average man's penis is actually the most important part of his body and perhaps even the most important thing that he will ever possess. As soon as a boy becomes aware of his penis he becomes fascinated by it -- and that fascination never leaves him. Of course he wants to look at other men's penises: dad's penis, brother's penis, the penis on the men in the changing room. It's not surprising that when his penis is so small, and he looks around at the full size of the men in the changing room, he becomes a little insecure! (Those who show it off most are usually the biggest!). Indeed, he develops some kind of innate inferiority complex about the size of his organ - and it's probably this that causes men to feel insecure later in life. In this scenario, it's actually about a man's overall self-confidence in relationship to other men. In other words, it's about male competition -- we all know men are essentially competitive with each other.

Where men make a terrible mistake is in projecting this insecurity onto the women that they are with. If a man assumes that a woman isn't interested in him because his penis is too small, he's making a terrible mistake in projecting his own feelings about his penis onto the partner who could do more than anybody else to reassure him that he is, actually, fine in every way.

It's actually no surprise that the average woman has no understanding whatever of men's obsession with penis size. Unfortunately this may lead her to make a joke of the subject if she doesn't know how else to deal with it. So, please, please, women - whatever you do, never ever make a joke about penis size. Even as a joke, you can cause a man such anxiety about measuring up to the right standard that he may develop one of a number of sexual dysfunctions, including erection problems and premature ejaculation. Unfortunately, the male sexual psyche is rather sensitive!

[ Size and Shape of Erect Penises ] [ Circumcision & the Foreskin ] [ Women Talk About Penis Size ] [ Penis Enlarging ] [ Why Penis Size Matters To Men ] [ Penis Size Discussed ] [ Penis Size and Sexual Intercourse ] [ More Talk About Penis Size ] [ Penis problems ] [ Penis Size Q and A ] [ Male Multiple Orgasm ] [ Penis humor and jokes ]

Penis size - does it matter?

What do women think about penis size? And does it really make any difference to sex? (Go here to find out if penis size matters to men!)

Penis Size Matters

What do women think about penis size? And does it really make any difference to sex?
(Go here to find out if penis size matters to men!)