Penis size discussion in the internet forums

A man wants reassurance after his wife has been indiscreet about penis size.

After years of marriage, with a child, this man's wife suddenly begins to talk about her previous lovers, who include a man with a thick, long penis.

He observes that he is not really bothered about penis size, having been a moderator of the group for some time, and having been available to reassure all the men out there who were worried about the inadequacy of their penises.

But when his own wife begins to talk of her past loves in a way that suggests she might prefer a larger penis than his, he turns to the group for help.

His penis, he says, is short and thick. But his wife talked of her past lover as having a long penis which was also thick.

When he asked her what she preferred, she replied that the best penis was long and thick, and the next best was long and thin; short and thin were at the bottom of the list.

The woman described her ex's penis as being very erotic and sexually stimulating to look at, and as giving her a very full feeling inside her.

penis size

There's obviously a correlation between the size of the penis and how sexually stimulating it is in this woman's mind.

And this is borne out by my experience - just as the sight of a woman's vulva is stimulating for a man, the sight of a penis is arousing for a woman.

It's not too surprising, therefore, that some women at least would find a bigger penis to be more erotic than a smaller one.

However, as this man observed, that was not quite the point. She had never said anything like this before, and she had never given him to think that his penis was anything but adequate for her needs. Why then, had she suddenly decided to talk about it?

penis sizeShe went on to say that most of the women she knew found a longer penises to be more erotic, and that she might even go so far as not to date a man unless his penis met certain criteria of length and thickness - which she then refused to specify, presumably out of sensitivity to her husband's feelings.

Now, the whole discussion was interesting, because it goes back to an idea I have long believed - which is that penis size is important to women, but in ways different to the way it is important to men.

For women, it is a factor in the overall experience of sex. Yes, the feeling of a large penis inside the vagina can be satisfying to her, but it is only a small part of the bonding between her and her partner.

If she is in love with him, it becomes comparatively less important to her: the emotional experience of sex takes priority. When this is less powerful, the physical experience becomes more important.

The man in question says he thinks his wife and her friends have been talking about penis size among themselves, and that the discussion has left his wife pining for the experience of sex with a man whose penis is far bigger than his own.

In response, he feels the humiliation of the locker room and the embarrassment of removing his underwear only to have a previous lover exclaim, "Well, you're a lot shorter than my previous boyfriend."

The difficulty is the sense of betrayal that he feels, because the couple have had a long and passionate sex life, and she has never said anything about her preferences before - this leads him to think she has been deceiving him over the years.

The woman in the support group who responds to him makes the valid observation that his wife is with him, not with another man, and that she is not showing any signs of being so dissatisfied with his skill or ability as a lover hat she is about to leave him.

Yes, this was an insensitive observation, and yes, she should have kept the discussion she had with her friends to herself, but there is no point in being damaged by an observation that is not going to lead anywhere.

However, it seems to me that this reflects a woman's view of penis size.

I think for men, the difference between a woman's view of penis size and a man's is this: that for men, penis size is a reflection of masculinity, of power and perhaps even of desirability.

Certainly men with a large cock often swagger around the locker room: they do have a different attitude to men who are less endowed.

(I should add at this point that my girlfriend, who is uninhibited about her body, told me of an experience in the female changing rooms at a spa we visited recently, where a young girl with a shaved pussy was parading around naked. I asked my girlfriend if she was self-conscious about it, and she replied, "No, if anything, she was showing it off."

So perhaps the vanity around one's genitals is not limited to men with big swinging dicks!)

Another man's response:

This was certainly insensitive, but she is still with you, not this other guy. And you have good sex, by your own admission. Is this about your desire as a man to satisfy your woman in every way possible?

Unfortunately we can't do that - we have to accept that we cannot meet a woman's every needs, or desire, or even her wishes - especially where these are around something as intimate as penis size.

The truth about my wife's feelings came out after several years of marriage, and I'm glad it did, because although she basically shares your wife's opinions, we now use her thoughts and fantasies about men with large penises as a fantasy to add a little spice to our relationship.

Furthermore, as I have said many times, penis size is no measure of a man. The really important thing in bed for men is sexual technique - or, more accurately, lovemaking technique.

Women could care less about the size of a man's penis,. but the truth is that they do indeed care about how he approaches sex.

Only when a woman is highly aroused and (Oh dear) "gagging for it" will she be ready to plunge into a hard, fast session of fucking.

Normally, she will need to be aroused with sweet words and soft caresses, and she will want time and attention lavished on her to show that she is the most important thing in a man's life.

That's when she becomes ready for sex....Now, if a man has sexual problems, especially delayed ejaculation, he needs to find a cure. After all, part from PREMATURE ejaculation there is little that upsets a woman more in bed.

I don't want to get too personal about this, but we have introduced a whole new area of sex play into our relationship, which involves large sex toys that fill her vagina as she like and fantasy talk during sex about what a large penis might feel like for her as I'm fucking her.

I enjoy this enormously, and even if this is somehow a reflection of my own insecurity about my size, it certainly has added spice to our sex life!

And another man adds:

My wife has said the same thing - she is aroused by porn where a man has a large penis, and that she has sexual fantasies about what it would feel like. She admits she has had large lovers and yes, in some ways, she prefers them.

However she loves me, and that, she says, more than makes up for anything to do with penis size.

That's the point we men have to accept: that although women may say a big penis feels good, it isn't the be-all and end-all of sex for them. We just can't seem to accept that!

And the woman moderator of the forum replies:

Yes, of course it matters to some women. But then does breast size matter to you -or do you at least have a preference?

Of course you do. But do you let that determine who you date and who you marry? Unlikely, I'd have thought. And do you then think about breasts after you're in a relationship - say, with a small-breasted woman who's a great companion?

I know you do, but the point is this: it isn't that important. Think of the penis size issue for women in the same way.

Another guy responds:

Yes, true, because all the guys at the beach stare at the woman with large breasts. But what do they know about her personality, her lovemaking technique, or her personality? Nothing!

Men play this game with breast size and then get insecure when women do it with penis size. All that proves is how important penis size is to the male ego. It's about time we started to work on ourselves and get some self-confidence around this issue.

Another man speaks frankly:

Well, yes, tell her how she made you feel but bear something else in mind.

Over the years, I've packed a few twats with my cock, and I can tell you that the only ones who've ever complained about my size (just average, by the way) were the ones with pussies so loose you could have put a conger eel in there and they wouldn't have noticed.

So next time she starts twittering about penis size, just remind her that some women who complain are so loose and cavernous in the vagina department that you have to strap a piece of 2 by 4 across your ass to stop yourself falling in. That should give her something to think about.

And M replies:

The man who put the original question forward now comes back several weeks later and reveals that his sex life has taken a turn for the better, because he himself finds the idea of large penises exciting (having had some same sex experiences when he was a teen) and if he talks about his wife being fucked by a guy with a big cock as he gives her head, she comes hard and fast.

She then ravishes him as he screws her. So the fantasy has improved sex for both of them.

He also observes that she loves his penis - she says, the fact that she likes the idea of bigger ones does not mean, in her eyes, that this takes anything anyway from his.

That sounds like a very female way of thinking which men may have a problem understanding, but I can believe it's true.

He also reveals that when he was out on the dating scene, one sexually experienced woman told everyone he was well-hung, just because he was so thick - then his love life took a turn for the better (loads of women wanted sex with him!)

This seems to prove that women are indeed fascinated by the idea of a large penis.

He then finally adds that her larger-penised lovers had never made her come, whereas she comes with him, because she finds him very desirable and she loves him....

Being a good lover is about technique, intention, feeling and caring for your partner - not about penis size. It's a rather banal and superficial aspect of sex, which for most of us seems to extend no further than curiosity or fantasy.

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Updated November 11, 2016